would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
