I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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