If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
