Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
