I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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