take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
