Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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