3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
