i would punch a child for taco bell
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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