Three words: puerto rican gang bang
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
