I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
