Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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