Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
