I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
