My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
