how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
