You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
