Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drake has all the answers
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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