so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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