When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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