Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
