dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
