Don't make out with my wife yet
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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