there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
