you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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