Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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