let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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