Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
