Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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