wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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