I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
