You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
