the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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