And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
