Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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