Christians are straight up FREAKS
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
