At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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