I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
There are leaves in my underwear?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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