Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
