I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
