Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
