I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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