he thought i was a dude.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
