found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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