i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
