Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
