First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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