isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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