I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
