nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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