i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
