my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
