her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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