your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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