Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
