I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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