So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is my gift to your gina
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
