I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
