So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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