I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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