Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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