So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
did i just pee glitter
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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