can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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