You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
