I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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