you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
