Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
