when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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