the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
