My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
