also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
