I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
