you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
