i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
