i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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