I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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