Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
