I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
