I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
