I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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