member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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